A Few Parting Shots from a Dying Town

While I was in Marshall, Oklahoma, I decided to take a walk "around town" to see what I could see. I was in a melancholy mood, it being the day after Grandpa's funeral, and the condition of the town didn't help. It occurred to me that my Grandpa's life was pretty closely related to the life of Marshall, where he lived his entire life except for the time he spent on a Navy ship during WWII. As I was blown up and down the empty roads by a strong Spring wind, I thought of Don Huffer's life - a farmer, a sailor, a husband, a father, grandfather, great-grandfather, a church-goer, Republican, traveler, a man who worked hard, made big plans, and loved life. This town, established around 1890 and barely hanging on to life through the post-office, co-op store and one last church, was only a little over 30 years older than he. How must he have felt seeing it pass away in front of him?

These photos are a few from my bittersweet tour of Marshall last month. I'm still clinging to my roots buried deep in the red, red soil of northern Oklahoma.

The family church - weddings, funerals, confirmations, and Christmas pageants.

Marshall school - est. 1904, closed 1988

The old fire truck, used for the parade on Prairie City Days. (They do have a modern one.)

One of the empty Co-op grain elevators, the train doesn't come through here any more.

Part of Main Street - plate glass of the bar broken out, small grocery closed for good.

Destruction and Life.

Empty playground.

Among the broken, dead brambles - LIFE and COLOR - roses

Little red wagon along the backyard I used to play in - it was my great-grandmother's house once.

Irises my Grandpa planted along the back of his workshop.

Scrap metal wheels

 

Town billboard in the middle of the wide Main Street, news: Huffer funeral.

 

I found an entry for this little town on Wikipedia, obviously written by someone who lives, or grew up, there. The part that spoke to me said, "Back in the town's prime between 1900 and 1980 it had two gas stations, a hotel, 5-dime store, drug store, cafe, bar, grocery store, laundromat, hardware store, lawyer office, bank, doctor office, blacksmith, barber shop, beauty shop, fire station, arcade, movie theatre, two car dealers and farmers' co-op. Today all that is left is the co-op and post office. Where main street was once lined with cars on Saturdays is now pretty much a ghost town. Most of the buildings downtown are, or have, fallen down or empty. During the 1980s the oil bust happened and the town hasn't been the same ever since."


To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die;
      A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; 

A time to kill, And a time to heal;
      A time to break down, And a time to build up; 

A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
      A time to mourn, And a time to dance; 

A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
      A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; 

A time to gain, And a time to lose;
      A time to keep, And a time to throw away; 

A time to tear, And a time to sew;
      A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; 

A time to love, And a time to hate;  A time of war, And a time of peace.  —Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Hats & Boots to Fill

While in Oklahoma for my Grandpa's funeral, I was party to some pretty interesting post-death goings-on. There were typical moments of ordering flowers, picking out pictures from a long life to share with fellow mourners in celebration of our loved one, lots of eating of funeral food. (Praise God for wonderful women -and a few men- who cook for comfort.) We wrote MANY thank-you notes.

Then, there were the not-so-typical times.
My aunts and mom were intent on DOING CONSTRUCTIVE THINGS. They worked on the yard, emptying long-ignored flower pots to take some home to use (a little piece of Dad's garden.) They all went together to the nursing home to remove Grandpa's clothes and hygiene items. They divided the MANY gifts of plants sent for the funeral - I only escaped bringing one home because I was flying. The strangest moment for me was when they lined up all of grandpa's shoes and boots to see if any of us could use them or wanted them. Grandpa had smallish feet lengthwise, but very wide. I ended up taking 2 pairs home for my boys. I thought they could use them for a year or two when they visit Uncle Rodney's farm, then maybe I can use a pair for a cool planter.

Just a few of Grandpa's hats. (Uncle Rodney in background.)

My cousin Kevin with his choice of hat.

My cousin Chris with his "new" hat. He's the oldest grandchild.

An awe-inspiring moment was when they brought out all of Grandpa's hats. Stacks of them. Lines of them. Straw cowboy hats, leather ones, wool fedoras, canvas sun-hats, a wooly sheepskin winter hat. Each of Grandpa's children AND grandchildren got to pick a hat. I carried mine home. I put it on while waiting in a Southwest Airlines boarding line at the request of the gentleman in front of me. Trying to tell the story, I got a little teary and couldn't talk. I tucked it safely on top of my carry-on bag under the seat in front of me.

Most of us (3 cousins had already left) with our hats. I'm in the center.

These are big shoes & big hats to fill. I miss you, Grandpa!

A Time to Mourn...

Just got the news this morning that my Grandpa, Howard Don Huffer, passed away early today. I haven't been on here, haven't blogged at all since my trip to the midwest 2 weeks ago. It was great to see my dad - who is healing wonderfully - and connect with my family again. I got to spend some good quality time with my nieces and even a day in Lincoln to see my in-laws. The trip to Oklahoma over that weekend was another thing. While it was a blessing to be able to celebrate my Gram's birthday with her and extended family (some of whom I hadn't seen in years), it was a shock to see my Grandpa. The alzheimers and cancer had eroded his mind and body. He was not in good shape all around, but I was so grateful to see him again. I have been having a hard time processing all of this and I'm hoping this second trip to the funeral, to be with family, to examine my own heart and life from a bit of a distance from the norm will help. Please pray for comfort and God-encounters. Thank you...

A Time to Laugh

After such a sobering week dealing with my Grandpa's illness and his move into a nursing home, accompanied by Gram (and I'm so far away, so far...), I needed a little laughter.

Rocky's favorite books are the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series of "graphic" novels. I have to say this is genious! Simple, fun "kid's life" stories with doodle-style cartoons to illustrate the most serious or funniest moments. Last year, when the movie came out, Rocky and I had a "date" and went to see it. It was way funnier than I thought it would be. This year, they came out with a sequel, and you know we'll have to go see it!

I found a great link on Facebook to "Wimp Yourself" promoting the movie. I couldn't resist. So here's my version of myself in the Wimpy universe. ;)

A Time to Weep

I happened to call my parents this evening about 15 minutes before they hit the road to drive from Iowa to Oklahoma. My grandpa, Don, is in the hospital with clots in his legs and lungs. They're running tests, but believe this is the result of some form of cancer. They're recommending hospice care.
He's 90-years-old and his health, mentally and physically, has been declining steadily over the past few years. This year, however, has been the most dramatic. I was fortunate to be able to visit last July and, although he was obviously confused and slept a lot more, Grandpa was up playing cards, escorting my Gram to the senior center for lunch, dabbling in the yard, and walking to the post office for mail. When my mom went down last week for her spring break, he was so weak that he had to lean on her when she took him into the yard. He had little interest in things and couldn't tell the difference between the suits when they played cards. She had gone down, not only for a visit, but for a serious meeting with her brother and sisters about getting her parents into an assisted living facility with security in case Grandpa went wandering. It's a difficult transition that has been the subject of discussion for the past few years between "the kids." By the end of the week, no move had been made, and now this – just 4 days later.
I am praying peace over Grandpa. I'm praying peace and strength over Gram, Momma, Uncle Rodney, Aunt Carol, and Aunt Susan. Please join me with your prayers.

Grandpa Don Huffer – July 4, 2010

"To everything there is a season. A time for everything under heaven... A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 

How a Week Can Change You

It's been an amazing, humbling, saddening, maddening, joy-ride week. There were several times within the past week and a half that I've been hungry to get on here and have a little self-therapy and share. I'm finally forcing myself to step out of my head and get it all typed up. Although, it may take a few posts to do so.
First off, let me say that I am missing Nick like CRAZY right now. He flew out to Nebraska on Tuesday quite suddenly because of a death in the family. I will get to that. I hate when he is gone because I tend to cocoon until he gets home. I wrap myself up in the kids and too much Netflix surfing and recognizing the mess I'm living in. I haven't even been communicating much online because my heart is kind of unraveled and I feel undone. Plus, I don't sleep well when he's not in bed with me. This is why I rarely complain about him hogging the bed. I am just BETTER when he is around me. How wonderful to be married to a man that loves, cherishes, and champions me! I am truly blessed.
On Monday, I got a voicemail from my mother-in-law, Connie. Not sure why my phone didn't ring, but I listened to her prayer request for her step-daughter Janice who was in the hospital with pneumonia and already had hepatitis. Now, the relationships in this family are somewhat confusing from the outside. Connie is Nick's mom, she married Bill almost 29 years ago after he'd been married and divorced twice before. They didn't have any children together, but Bill had 2 children with each of his other wives. A son and daughter (Janice) in the first marriage, and 2 daughters in the second. The 2 girls from Bill's second marriage are very close in age to Nick and they spent a lot of weekends and vacations together. Bill's first wife remarried and they lived in the Kansas City area; his son ended up living with Nick, Connie and Bill for a short time in his teens and Janice came to visit for a while too, but they were largely out of the picture. Now, it's sad to say, but I have been married to Nick for 15 and a half years and I never met Janice nor any of her 3 kids. I did meet Bill's son, Lenny, once as well as his daughter. This has gotten kind of drawn out, but it's important to get a glimpse of the family dynamics. Janice spent time in and out of prison during her adult life. Her 2 sons also have been in and out of jail (the older one is in now.) Janice was actually serving time for the past few months and got sick in prison. Her daughter, Skye, was staying with Janice's stepdad because her own father is out of the picture now. Nick had met Skye before because he went to see Janice when she was still with Skye's dad. When Janice was sent to prison this last time, Nick was on the phone with Bill telling him we were willing to take Skye in and make her part of our family. No one really listened. Then, Janice got sick, Bill rushed down to Kansas City to see her because they didn't know how long she would last. I found out not long after that when Bill got the call she had already flat-lined once and been brought back. By the time he got there, she was already brain-dead. Her systems started shutting down, her younger son (barely 20) was faced with making a serious decision, but she passed not too much later. We were praying, we had many people at OHOP and in the mid-west praying for her. Janice was only 41 years old. Skye is only 9.
Just 2 years ago, Janice's brother Lenny died at about the same age - quite suddenly. Then, their mom died a few months later. Bill did not handle the death of his son well, he was just starting to open up and talk about it in December when Nick was visiting them. Connie's mom, Marcella, has been living with them for the past few years and has become completely dependent on them for her care. Nick felt compelled to fly up as soon as he could to help his family. He knew that his mom should be with Bill for the funeral service, so he thought at the least he can stay with his Grandma. However, Nick had Skye on his heart from the beginning of all this. We prayed about all driving up, but it takes at least 2 days to drive and we were not prepared to make the trip at all. (Now we're going to have to make a plan because all of our grandparents are getting near the end.) We prayed for Grandpa Bill and Great and Grandma Connie and Skye. We prayed traveling mercies over Nick and that God would use him. We're still praying.
Janice's stepdad is now trying to get official custody of Skye. He didn't want to have a service for Janice, Bill made the arrangements. It seems that no one takes Nick seriously when he says that we are more than willing to bring Skye into our family. It's not a good situation there. However, Nick's uncle and aunt are coming to stay with his Grandma while he goes to the funeral in Kansas City with his parents. He will have an opportunity to see Skye and her grandfather. I was praying for her and God showed me how He had been taking people out of her life for a purpose. She is precious to Him and He has a plan for her. Whether she is with us or not, I will not stop praying for Skye.
All of this has been sobering and humbling. I have been impressed upon within the past month to understand the fear of the Lord. He loves and forgives, our repentance is accepted. But, we can't stop fearing the Lord. There is power and authority there. More on this tomorrow.
 
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. You have heard Me say to you, ‘I am going away and coming back to you.’ John 14:27,28

A Few Pictures from Summertime, Small Town Oklahoma

Last summer we had the amazing good fortune to visit my grandparents in Oklahoma. My mom's parents, my Gram and Grandpa, live in a tiny prairie town: Marshall. All the former businesses are shut down and abandoned. My aunt and uncle's farm is on the outer edge of town, that's where my grandparents raised their children and ran a dairy farm. We celebrated the 4th of July in the pasture with extended family. I seized the opportunity to photograph my grandparents (both around 90 years old) and the aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, etc. that we rarely get to see anymore. Who knew that moving to Florida (5 years ago) was like moving to another country? I hope you enjoy the fresh simple beauty of this corner of my heart.

Sophia (my niece), Luca, and Carlo running down the middle of Main Street.

Luca and Sophia visiting the horse and pony living in the middle of town.

Sophia & Carlo having fun at the park with playground equipment from the 60s.

Red dirt path between Main Street buildings and the park.

Sabina and puppy from my childhood "leaving town" to walk the 2 blocks to my grandparents'.

My Grandpa, Don Huffer

My sister, Holly, picking mulberries in our grandparents' backyard

My Grandpa still loves to tinker around outside

My Gram, Evadean Huffer with the newest Great-Grandbaby

Great-Uncle J.C. is the only man I know with a handlebar mustache!

Luca, Carlo, and Rocky at the farm pond getting ready for fireworks!

Beautiful sunset clouds behind farm pond.

Their own fireworks -BOOM!- of dry grass.

Sophia enjoying the countryside.

Fun with Fireworks! Ah, the freedom of living in the country!

Sabina tuckered out at the end of the night; mosquito bites and all, isn't she an angel?

Birthday Girl!

 

My oldest daughter, Cecelia turned 9 on Sunday. She was a good sport about not having a big party this year. She'd wanted a Hannah Montana party, and I had some cute, fun ideas on that front, but it was not to be. Nick and I were extremely busy all weekend with OHOP's monthly Awaken the Bride conference. Nick led worship on Friday night, Saturday morning and Sunday morning (I sing on his team.) He also taught classes on Sat. afternoon and Sun. afternoon. It was a crazy time to think about poor Cecelia's birthday. She was thankful, though, that her birthday was on Sunday and glorified and worshiped God with excellence! Fortunately, Grandma always remembers to send birthday gifts early, so she had a gift to open first thing after church. (Thank you Grandma & Grandpa; you are awesome!) Her sister, Keliah, couldn't wait to give her gift of a pink Princess Disney hat, either. That evening, she and I got to go out (just the 2 of us!) to see Alice in Wonderland - sharing the tub of popcorn and large Cherry Coke for supper. We had fun together and planned to have our family cake party to celebrate on Monday evening.

After much speculation and looking at other guitar cakes online, I just made up my own ideas with what I had on hand to create her pink guitar cake. (Notice the C.C. initials!) Nothing too fancy, but perfect for our little gathering with 2 kinds of ice cream. The remains were breakfast this morning. Anyway, I'm so proud of my little girl, getting so grown up (but not too grown up.) She is truly a gift from God and I'm so humbled to be her mom.

The gifts from us were pretty simple this year. Books, a couple toys, candy and clothes. As you can see below, Sabina was certain that the cute puppy was hers!  Today, she even got to stretch that birthday joy for another day with the arrival of a package from my parents - Granny & Papa. Woo-hoo! I'm determined to enjoy letting her be a little girl for these next couple of years. I don't want her rushing in to growing up too fast. These years are precious. Besides, once you are grown up it lasts for the rest of your life! That's not so fun. Even though I try to impress a sense of responsibility and contribution upon all my children, I also want them to have lots of time to just be KIDS. This is the time for the games, books, songs, artwork, and dances that will truly make up the woman Cecelia will be. And, please God, help me be the mother that Cecelia needs.